I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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