she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
