I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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