He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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