my vag is so smooth its legendary
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
