you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Holy shit dude........stairs
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