Duck Duck Cougar?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
