im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
