i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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