yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
