I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
false alarm, still single
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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