It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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