can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
