and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
