Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
