There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize