She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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