The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
