guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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