Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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