just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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