member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
