I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
