How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
