If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
