oh god the rape fog is back!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
