somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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