Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
