Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
