I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
