We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
