My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
