The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
