Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
