I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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