ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
