Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
vagina is talking i cant
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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