yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
