I am in a vortex of obligation.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
tell me about the eggs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
