thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hippo gnu deer
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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