All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
