My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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