This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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