he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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