It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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