i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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