he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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