I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So squirting runs in the family.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
