you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
