I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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