I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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