I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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