He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
