if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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