I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
