My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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