I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
