I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
