I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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