Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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