so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
