Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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